Valentine’s Day is widely regarded as a celebration of love, a time to deepen connections and express affection. However, for some, it can serve as a strategic opportunity to manipulate emotions and gain control in a relationship. Enter, the phenomenon of love bombing. An emotional manipulation technique defined by Psychology Today as, “an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.”
It is often used as a disguise for emotional abuse, and a warning sign of a toxic, unhealthy relationship. Love bombing can be especially prevalent and easily disguised during Valentines Day as merely showing affection, but its dark roots explore a different side.
Montrose Health Group’s Psychologist, Dr David Fong, provides an insightful overview of love bombing and how it can create a major emotional imbalance.
"Love bombing" started to creep into popular parlance in the 1970's and lends a misleadingly playful feel to what can be a complex relationship characteristic that can, at one extreme, be dangerous.
Healthy romantic relationships often have a phase involving flattery, attention, gifts and romance - the 'honeymoon phase'. While this can resemble love bombing, it's what comes next that matters. Healthy relationships need to tackle compromise, negotiation and allowing room for both partners to breathe in the next phase; where love bombing is a feature, the next stage of the relationship can involve one partner struggling to accept the changes in the relationship and blaming the other for it via devaluing, criticizing and withholding positive emotions from the other party. This can create major imbalance and ultimately lead to the relationship ending, with one party blaming the other for the ending and the other blaming themself.
Takeaways:
Key Signs of Love Bombing
· Excessive flattery
· Unnecessary gifts and gestures
· Intense and constant communication
· Attempting to establish future plans early on
So Why Do People Love Bomb?
There are a variety of reasons as to why people love bomb, however it had been shown to be associated with traits of narcissism, as well as control and manipulation.
People with narcissistic tendencies often use love bombing to create a sense of idealisation. They want to be adored and admired, and by overwhelming someone with love early on, they can create a "fantasy" version of themselves in the other person’s mind. This way, the love bomber can gain admiration, control, and sometimes, exploit the other person emotionally or financially.
Often, the love bomber wants control of the relationship. By showering the recipient with attention and affection, they can make them feel special, and in turn, more likely to be dependant. It's a way of creating an emotional attachment that makes it harder for the other person to leave or question the relationship.
The Aftermath…
Love bombing can have significant negative effects on the recipient’s mental health that can be profound and long lasting.
Anxiety and Confusion
The inconsistency of love bombing can lead to confusion, where the recipient may feel conflicted about whether the relationship is healthy or not. This can create anxiety as the attention could have been overwhelming, excessive, or insincere, and they find themselves second guessing the relationship once the idolisation fades.
Low Self-worth
Initially love bombing can make someone feel special, but when it fades or becomes inconsistent the sudden withdrawal of attention can cause feelings of inadequacy, confusion, or self-doubt. This may lead to lower self-esteem and make the person question their worth outside of the manipulator's affection.
While Valentine’s Day offers an opportunity to celebrate love, it’s also steeped in expectations and it is essential to remain mindful of the dynamics within any relationship. Love bombing can easily blur the lines between healthy relationship dynamics and toxic ones. Recognising the signs of love bombing can help protect emotional well-being and ensure that affection is genuine and healthy.
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